Turn Up Ahead.

It's been one of those days...where the sun is shining and yet it can't shine bright enough because of all the gloom you feel inside. Those are the days where it's oddly good weather here in Utah rather super windy, raining, snowing or whatever else. It just has to be a good day with lovely weather when you feel like a crumb. In reality I really do feel like a crumb, like the sad little girl scout cookie that got crushed in the bottom of the box. The speed of college is refreshing but filled with pressure and if that weren't enough I can feel the suffocating fear of inadequacy lapping at the back of my legs. Each wave of feeling knocking my legs useless against the current. I guess I could say I can feel the current of life sweeping me away...and like in Emperor's New Groove there are sharp rocks at the bottom.

I just have this feeling where I just want to be little again. A little girl with no cares...like maybe four or four, it's my favorite number if you haven't noticed yet. If I was little though I wouldn't see all my successes and everything I've learned thus far. I think that it's good that I'm not little because this happened to be the time I was born. By fate I was born into this time. For some reason or another I was chosen to come to this time. I know I will experience my trials, this will only test my strength. I can be knocked down or I can fight back. I can side kick, punch, slap my way through it because if I can't get through this slump of mine how am I even living when I've been through worse? I refuse to just endure my life when I can enjoy it. I've always had to fight a battle to get to where I am now. I cannot just ask for an easier plate because that would just be quitting. Yes, this is mostly just a pep talk for myself. A form of expression that I'm rather fond of. I will always love what I love and be challenged by what comes. Love comes and goes but that's the challenge of it. If life was easy would we learn anything? If we didn't have our own troubles who would we be? Would we necessarily be better? Would I make the same mistake? If I didn't know then I wouldn't know what to do again. Colors and flavors wouldn't be as colorful. I'd rather be an optimist than a pessimist because they are always the easiest people to be, and for me going against the flow is kind of a usual so I chose to be an optimist. I FREAKING CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY! I choose to see my blessings. I choose happiness. May you choose happiness too!
love*love*love*

Stacie 
"Why wear my heart on my sleeve when it looks so good in your hands?"- Sara Barrelies (Undertow)