falling a p a r t & fallingtogether

This semester has been one of the most difficult semesters I've ever tackled. I've literally been hanging on by the seat of my pants flying through everything, and I have to admit a change of pace would be nice. I've learned SO much in just four months, I've done things I didn't think I could do, I've done some things that I regret just a bit, and I've learned that a little passion for one subject can take one a long way.

Here's just a run down of some stuff that's happened:

 At the beginning of the semester I kissed my crown good bye. I crowned a new Miss American Indian USU, it was a bitter sweet experience but, goodness, she is amazing. Panicked about losing my very best friend as she embarked on a relationship of her own, spent an entire semester in my Advanced Creative Non-Fiction class focusing on one 20 page essay, that was so HARD to write that it consumed my every waking thought. I got my first traffic ticket and in my first car accident, picked parts from junkyards.   Then I experienced a severe financial panic attack when a surprise tuition fee popped up on my student account which made it so I couldn't register for my Senior classes. I literally thought my life was falling apart. And at that very moment I asked for a priesthood blessing from my AMAZING HOME TEACHERS.  Here's what I learned.

sure, things fall 

a p a r t.

but sometimes...

theyfalltogether.

I was recognized for my poetry. At the close of the Fall semester I submitted a portfolio to USU's Creative Writing Contest "Scribendi" and I placed first in their Undergraduate Poetry category and I got published.

Did you read that? I ACTUALLY GOT PUBLISHED. This is literally my dream come true! I had a goal to be published in something with anything by the time I was 20. Check! And to top it all off I got to read my poetry in front of my peers and an amazing little cluster of my best friends and supporters. It wasn't until I stood before the group of my peers that I realized that, they were all that really mattered to me. My family and them.I feel like even though this semester has been really hard, I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about real friends and a whole lot about the importance of my family. About appreciating those in your life and the adventures you share with them.

Speaking of adventures- I discovered a deep love for nature and rock climbing out doors with freezing palms, jagged rocks, and the clear ceiling-less blue sky. I made new friends that had a zeal for adventure and oh, boy, I hope that desire in me never fades because I love that prickle in my fingers, that quiet contemplation of how to paint my life with words, the sheer panic of not knowing if I'll get my papers in on time and staying up until 7 am just because I have really good company in the midst of writing a wretched paper. I've learned a lot this semester.

A little about how things fall a p a r t.

&

a lot about thingsfallingtogether

Forest Fire.

I am darker now than I was before.
Skin slapped raw with wet hands.
I am redder too.These hand prints
weren't you, but ones like you. 

I swallow a little harder than I did before.
Mistrust oxidizes on me like rust,
orange flecks visible through blue green veins.

When you touch me I trust.
I trust, that you'll know I'm not
small and fragile.

No, I'm not gentle or demure.
I am a wild fire.
Alive and aflame.
Lines stutter, waving, curling
consuming, like this is a game.

But don't fuss.
This is a game of trust. 
Shoot me out of the sky like goose,
you send a hound to retrieve me,
package and keep me.

I am not released easily.
So don't you tease me
with your smile.

Save your kind eyes for another forest fire. 

The Stuff of Eternity.

 Sunday Morning Session

Microphones suspended in air above the choir.

Held by thin wires, stretched tight.

A sea of blue and black stood beside each other,

a unified school of fish.

An ocean and a choir aren't too far apart,

each created by God's hand.

Their voices stir my soul.

Delight the throng.

The organ sung beside them, artful fingers seemingly clad with gold.

Glorious sounds come pouring out of mouths,

A shower of wholeness.

In a sea for One. 

This last quote, wasn't made by me, but I loved it nonetheless. Lately, I love rock climbing analogies, because I climbing analogies are the best...so sometimes I think of life as a rock climbing wall. I like my walls to be easy and quick and I love the satisfaction of slapping the bar at the top when I'm done. It signifies to me that I have succeeded...and even further sometimes I like to pretend that it's the best thing I will ever do...so it's good to end on it....which means... I don't have to worry about being better because I was really good on that wall and I finished it. The thing is that life can't be like that though. That's not how the gospel works. That's not how my hobbies work.

It's the progression that is worth it.

It's easy to be caught up in an ending, because it's easy.

But that's not what we are sent on earth to do.

We are sent to progress.

A lot of the time I have the tendency to just want to be done with things. To slap a bar and be done, then forget about getting better because I'm tired. I forget that progression no matter how hard is worth it. I'm thankful that my progression is eternal and although it would be easy to just have an end all goal, it wouldn't be worth it in the end. In the end I just wouldn't be satisfied with my accomplishments to end all accomplishments. There would never be one thing worth being done for.  We weren't made for endings, we are eternal souls. Which is AMAZING! So, yeah, chalk up your hands and climb for the long haul-because I promise it'll be worth it.

That's just my Conference thoughts...hope you liked them.

-Stacie D.