Just Let Me Sleep/ Reality?

Just Let Me Sleep

Wishes for better days find me in this hazy lagoon

 Faint trickles of reality burst into my sweet slumber

Streaked with stretched veins the world becomes my view

A lingering sense of satisfaction touches my achy head

In a dream where beauty touched every figment

It's hard to wake up to test the day against the night

When all I want is the stretch of sleep 

It's a lovely day today, I think, although I haven't cared to look out the window. If you can tell by the poem I just woke up and feel like writing something kind of pretty. If you've read the tab STUFF ABOUT ME you will see that I've been writing a novel of some sorts- pretty much I've hit a rough patch in the creative department, hence I start a blog. Henceforth, I write a poem to try and feel like I can still write creatively. Ever since I've graduated I don't feel like I can write as well as I used to. It's also possible that I have just been distracted with other matters...I've decided summer just leaves too much time to think about the past, the present, the future- so on.
Honestly I tend to get stuck on the past, if the past was a giant door I would be stuck on the coat hanger at the top of the door trying to reach for the other door which is the present, as I occasionally peeked out the doorway of the future. Mostly the imaginary coat rack has me stuck on regrets those what if's, shouldas, could haves.  I'm hung up. I search for reasons not to move on and to live my life. Which is sort of silly but comforting at the same time. I know what happened in the past I can read the signs better now and now that it's passed I'm just dumbfounded waiting in my train of thought station for the present.
The present isn't always pretty though and the future can be dolled up and appear beautiful, the past is just as it is maybe more dramatic for me than it really is but nonetheless still appears nice. 
Sorry, Readers. I didn't mean to make this so journal entry like. 
The thing is we don't see the grand scheme of things we only see one thing as we are presently going through them. The past is for reflection: on how to better a situation or change it if we are ever presented with a similar situation.  
Heavenly Father sees it all. He sees all of it and when you pray to him he knows you personally. He will help you personally. No two testimonies are the same. I know that he can help you with the past and what you are hung up on. He works on his own time table though you won't get the answer right away or when you expect it. 
We need to have patience to know just about anyone, especially to know your Heavenly Father. And although patience tends to be a tough crowd for me I know that in the end every thing will be alright. On my own personal journal it says " Everything you are learning now is preparing you for something else." I honestly believe that. If you ever have a sour day or things in your life just aren't going your way- which I feel like right now. Just LIVE. Make a bucket list. Write it down get it all done and feel that todayness- rather than dwelling on all those dusty memories that seemed better in hindsight.
Fortune cookie time: Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Prepare for tomorrow.

Cover Up.

Yesterday I decided to watch some of the YouTubers I watch quite often. One of them was a make-up guru who did tutorials and gave fashion advice. Usually I'm so excited about what she is going to share, because you know she's really fashionable and pretty like all the time- you know something I would like to be more like. In essence I want to be a person who cares about her appearance rather than just running out the door in my pajama shirt and jeans. 

I clicked on a video that showed her going through her her makeup and jewelry collection...and suddenly got very overwhelmed. Everything she had just made me feel like I had nothing. She had gotten her jewelry from really expensive places and had designer makeup-Chanel, nars, and other fancy designer places. It made me feel really inadequate, like I didn't have enough products to make me beautiful. It felt like I couldn't attain the beauty she had because I didn't have these things to make me appear so. 

I got really frustrated by all of it.

I all of a sudden didn't feel pretty and felt like I had to get some concealer for the bags under my eyes and a brow pencil to make my brows look fuller and darker. I created a list of everything that was wrong with me and the products that could correct it, they were all in my head just mocking me. I didn't have foundation, I've never put a drop of it on my face and I didn't know my color. I found myself unceremoniously clueless on how to attain beauty.

Then something crossed my mind. I didn't need concealer, I had nothing to hide on my face. I didn't have any break outs or major skin imperfections. I didn't need to diminish my true beauty because I had nothing to hide.
Today the modern world has created things that we need to "hide", our little imperfections are no longer what makes us beautiful. The things that make us individuals are nearly taken away from us on every plane. We have ads constantly telling us to take this, use this, buy this and you will become beautiful.
But HONESTLY these aren't the ways to attain beauty. We are born beings created by our Heavenly Father we are already born beautiful in his eyes. We are all born beautiful creatures of god...then this becomes hard to accept when someone is telling you are not adequately equipped to just be naturally beautiful
I'm not saying don't ever wear make up, what I'm saying is to be able to see beauty after you wipe it all off. After all the goop and paint is off your eyes and it's just you. We are beautiful in our imperfections. It's fun to get ready as much as the next girl just next time you take off all your make up know you are just as pretty as you are when you have it on. It's not the make up that makes you you. It's you who makes the make up what it is.

Love your Reflection. You are lovely. Oh and remember- Real beauty doesn't need to be maintained physically and it never ages or fades.
love*love*love*
Stacie D.